When we got back from Mum’s funeral, I was a bit of a mess. It wasn’t ok having spent two weeks at home and not seeing her, or seeing her and her not being there. It wasn’t ok being back in the place with all the memories of all the phone calls about moments which physically hurt to think about. It just wasn’t ok.
So I had to find something to knit. I had inherited all of Mum’s needles, and yarn, and knitting books that I had wanted and been able to fit in my suitcase (among other things). Lots of different and truly beautiful and amazing things that I had coveted (some quite loudly!) while she was alive. Things that are absolutely precious and irreplaceable and that I really really would rather not have.
Among those were things are set of interchangeable wooden circular needles. Truly beautiful needles and I shouldn’t be knitting with them. So I decided to knit the thing the needles should be making.
Shortly before Mum’s funeral my extra sister had had her first baby, a lovely little girl. Such lovely people and a wee person who my Mum was so looking forward to meeting and making beautiful thing for. I decided to knit her a blanket. Now, to be totally honest, any blankets would have been quilted and any knitted things would have been clothing, but sadly the person operating the needles is me and I’m just not there yet.
I had 6 balls of beautiful rainbow yarn which I had bought to make something for Mum for Christmas. I had started making her a scarf with french knitting plaited together. It had already become clear that this wasn’t working out properly before it became clear that Christmas presents weren’t going to be needed – the scarf was incredibly heavy and unwieldy! – but I didn’t know what to do with the yarn, couldn’t think of it not being something for Mum.
So I knitted a blanket, filled with love, and slowly was able to breathe again. After the blanket was finished I used one of the balls of yarn from Mum’s stash to make an edge in crochet and some hearts. It was what her needles should have been knitting, and I’m glad I was able to pass on a tiny piece of the welcome and love she would been providing if life was different.